When AMAZING is an Understatement!

The next few posts will be about our time celebrating the 10th Anniversary of Show Hope. I hope you will come along with me for this recap of one of the most AMAZING weekends we've ever had. 

Before we get going, I want to publicly thank the Chapman family, Scott Hasenbalg, Charley Redmond, Cathy Troyer, Nick Lyndon, Mindy Cook, and each and every Show Hope staff member for making this weekend possible for us. We cannot say thank you enough for everything you have done for our family - because you have been faithful to God's call on your lives, thousands of lives have been immeasurably blessed and changed for good forever.

We would also like to thank Erik Dellenback, Brandi Cook, Tim Tebow and the Tim Tebow Foundation for standing in defense of orphans - we are so blessed to be amongst the first families so generously blessed through your partnership with Show Hope (more on this later!)

And to Joyce and Robin, who have given their lives to serve the broken children of China, your sacrifice is what has made our family possible. Your courageous love inspires and heals - we cannot thank you enough.

Together, united, you all create one tremendous team, and with the Lord at your helm, the work you do not only reaches into thousands of grateful hearts, but also into all of eternity.

We had packed our bags and were heading out the door - we were on our way to Tennessee! As recipients of two Show Hope grants (one for Sarah and one for Sam), we had been invited to help them celebrate their 10th Anniversary and we couldn't wait to meet all the wonderful staff we had the privilege of connecting with in both big and small ways over the years.

For those who might not be familiar with them, Show Hope (www.showhope.org) is a non-profit org, founded by Marybeth and Steven Curtis Chapman (Steven is a Grammy Award winning recording artist and is a household name in christian and gospel music circles). After their first adoption, they began to realize just how many orphans were in desperate needs of families and so helped to personally fund several adoptions. It was then they realized God was inviting them to do more by taking the next step to create an organization that would eventually unite thousands of orphans with loving families by simply helping them overcome the financial hurdles of the process. We are one of those families.

So where were we? Oh yes! We were out the door early that morning, with the two kiddos in tow and all of us were beyond excited. It was Sarah's first time on a plane since China and she was giddy at the thought of flying. "Because I don't remember flying to China mama," she told me over and over again that week. My little girl had counted down the days until finally, in our seats on the plane, we began to take-off.

At this point, Sarah had the sudden realization of what an airplane really was and desperately clung to my arm. As I whispered into her ear. holding on to her as the plane barreled down the runway, I observed Sam just one seat over from Sarah, who, being his normal free-spirited self, had raised his little hands like he was on a roller coaster and laughed like a little madman as we were pressed back into our seats.

We landed four hours later in Nashville and stepped out of the airplane and into our rental car, which, like so many things on this trip, was just one more thing that God blessed us with. We were upgraded from a small Ford Escape, to a brand new, fully decked out GMC Terrain for free, when the gal at Enterprise noticed it would be a tight fit for us.

And so, as we drove away with the moonroof open, the clean and crisp Tennessee air breezing in through the windows, there was not one mouth that was quiet - all of us were wahoo-ing and yippee-ing and yeehaw-ing, celebrating the goodness and grace of a God that had gone ahead of us to bless us with even the little things on this trip.

Once we settled in at our hotel, it was time to find food and apparently, Nashville isn't a fast food kinda city, so after driving around in "exploration mode" for the better part of a half hour, we decided to hop back onto the freeway and see if we could spot something from there. And it was then that we saw them...the golden arches!!! We all laughed as me and Mike did our best impressions of an angelic chorus as we drove towards the light. I do believe that will go down as the best fish sandwich I've ever had.

Later, with the kids finally in bed, me and Mike couldn't help but talk about many of the blessings, both painful and joyful, that had led up to this one moment in time. It was indeed a time for celebration. "What an adventure You have set us on Lord..." was the last thing I can remember lifting up to Him as I drifted off to sleep.

Sarah and Sam the first night at our hotel, celebrating the joy of life.

Show Me How to Live

May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love really is.

- Ephesians 3:17

Back in April of 2012, we were told Sam had died. We had been in the process of rushing to get to him, to bring him home because his health was failing and we knew he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer without specialized medical care. And then the devastating news came.

I have never experienced a sorrow so deep. Many did not understand why we grieved. Most thought it was a blessing that we did not have the chance to hold him, but what they did not understand is that not being able to hold him, not being able to kiss him, feel his little arms and legs, or feel the warmth of his breathe against my shoulder or in my ears made it that much more difficult.

During that time, I listened to Audrey Assad's "Show Me" - the lyrics were the only thing that came close to touching the ache in my heart.

"You can plant me like a tree beside a river, you could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild, and I would blossom like a flower in the desert, but for now just let me cry...bind up these broken bones, mercy bend and breathe me back to life, but not before you show me how to die."

I would listen to that song for hours. It ministered to my heart on so many different levels. It is a song about pain and grieving and wanting to be left to grieve. It is a song about being broken, knowing only God can heal you and put you back together again. It is a song about learning how to cling to God in your darkest, lowest moments and how He will be faithful to stay with you regardless of how you feel about Him. But the more I listened to that song, the more I began to realize, the reason I was listening to it wasn't so much about my sorrow as it was about my desperate need for hope.

I listen to this song at least a few times a week now. It is a gentle reminder of the sweet moments I had with my Savior as He attended to my broken heart. And as I listen, He reminds me still, Kimberly, be desperate for Hope. Sit still and let Me work. Let Me heal the places that are wounded. Just be present with Me - that is the only thing you need to do. I will sit with you as you heal. I will wait for you as you rest. And then, when you are ready, I will show you how to live.

The Most Precious Gifts...

Many of you may know, five years ago we heard about a very ill baby who needed a family. Chenchen had lived most of her life in a palliative care unit in China because she was born with a liver disease that if left untreated, would kill her before her second birthday. When we heard about her, we instantly knew she was meant to be ours. Now, 4 years later, this warm, funny, gentle-hearted, and humble little soul, who we named Sarah, thrives on hugs, kisses, and cuddles, and whose kindness and care for others goes well beyond her six years. we often think back to the doubts, questions and emotions we had during her adoption and think, what joy and laughter and love we would have missed had we turned her away.

Sarah has gone from seeing the doctor’s once every 3-6 months now going once a month for scoping and ultrasounds. Her doctors tell us her condition has advanced and a transplant may be in her near future. Our hearts ache when we think about the days that lay ahead for her and so, we ask you to remember Sarah in your prayers.

Sarah prays a good bit herself actually. We learn a lot by listening to her pray. Very regularly, for the past three years, she has prayed that God would give her siblings. Interesting enough, a month ago, we learned of two other babies who mirror Sarah’s story. They both have the same liver condition as Sarah and both are with the same extraordinary non-profit, New Hope, who cared for Sarah during her first year of life). It was impossible for us to adopt the children as we no longer met the requirements, however, we felt led to offer our help, hoping somehow, we could connect them to doctors who could stabilize them until they could be adopted.

Now, we should have learned a long time ago that “impossible” is a non-issue for God. Impossible becomes nothing more than a vapor when it stands in the midst God’s love and compassion for orphans.

So, long story short – we are adopting these babies! We were cleared just this past week by both our Home Study and Adoption Agencies. It may be anywhere from 6-12 months before we bring them home, but a handsome baby boy AND another precious baby girl are on their way! Yes – you heard that right: TWO!!!!

And so, we are asking that you join us – march onto the battlefield of prayer with us! Due to the complexity and the speed at which the whole situation is moving, we are asking for His leading, guidance, wisdom, discernment, clarity, provision and protection over our family. We have $50k worth of adoption expenses to raise ($25k for each baby), 10-12 months of paperwork to cram in as quickly as we can do it, coordinating with two agencies and upwards of 10 people, and most importantly, the increasing criticalness of Sarah’s condition as well as the babies themselves.

Before we let you go, there is one more thing we would like you to pray about…

Directly after we committed to adopting these two little ones, two more with the same liver condition were delivered to New Hope within days of each other; a baby girl and a baby boy. It is an extremely rare thing to receive two children with this condition at the same time, but four is – unbelievably extraordinary. Many people might want to see this in a negative light, but we are choosing to believe God’s promises – that He loves these children – and for some reason, He has gathered and maneuvered them to New Hope for a reason. We believe there is a family out there, amongst our family or friends or acquaintances (or amongst yours!) whose heart is being prepared specifically for these little ones – it’s just a matter of finding them.

So, as completely out-of-the-question as this may be, we are asking you to take these children before the Lord and ask Him in earnest if either (or both) of these babies are meant for you. He will either etch these children into your memory so deeply you cannot forget them, or…He won’t. We hope you will take a leap of faith, and help us spread the word. We know what we are asking may be uncomfortable, and we don't ask for your help lightly, but for these little ones, it may be their only chance at living.

To wrap things up, throughout the last five years, we’ve gone through some rough spots. We may not be well off, or hold high powered jobs, or buy fancy clothes - things may not be easy - but God continues to bless us with things far better than material happiness. We would have never known the love and tenderness Sarah brings to our daily lives had we overlooked her or considered her adoption as “something other people do.” And don’t rule out the impossible! Many times the impossible is where you get to see God work His miracles! Let's step out in faith - being open and willing to give Him our whole life, whether it's through adoption or not, by trusting Him with everything we have. Because that is what true and authentic faith is - the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11)

Thank you so much for reading this ridiculously long post. From our hearts to yours, we hope you have a wonderful Christmas! May the Lord richly bless you and your family with the most precious of all gifts: Faith. Hope. And the greatest of these…Love.

What Do You Really Want for Christmas?

For Anyone Who Wonders Why...

My Own Little World

Remember to turn off the music at the bottom on the page!

What Do We Really Need?

So as I sat there on that cold bench, after offering her my untouched and still warm dinner, and began to talk with her about why she claimed to be "broke and homeless." After five minutes of listening, I realized, not all beggars are beggars and not all people who say they are in desperate need, are in desperate need.

For being so skeptical of people, at times I let my guard down and can be either extremely gullible or substantially naive. People just floor me from time to time. Although naive and gullible are neck and neck on most days, on this particular day, I have to say, my hope to see the best in mankind (despite her obvious and unfortunate circumstances) got the best of me.

Anyhow - it was drizzling and I was snugly-bugly safe in my car on my way back to work with bag of McHeartattack or something…

I saw her sitting all by her lonesome, there on the corner with her homemade cardboard sign which declared in bold, black letters, "Broke. Homeless. Need Help." I thought to myself, "It's just not right that there is actually someone in America that is broke and homeless." And at that point, because I had already filled my do-good-things-so-you-can-feel-better-about-yourself quota, I summarily passed her by. (Oh! Like YOU'VE never done that!)

Long story short - I had a 30 second argument with God where I told Him I really needed my McGreasy cheeseburger. I needed my fat-loaded french fries and my give-you-a-quick-burst-of-fake-energy-right-before-it-makes-you-crash soda pop. How else was I going to survive through the next few hours without my bi-monthly dose of super nutritional, highly vitamin fortified fast food? For some reason, I didn't think God viewed it quite that way, so I begrudgingly turned the car around and parked in an adjacent lot not too far away. As I hopped out, I grabbed my McLardo sandwich and drink, walked on over and plopped down on the bench next to her.

She was a big gal – like me, she didn’t appear to have issues foraging for food, but for the most part, I really tried to be non-judgmental, after all, who would want to endure the rain and cold and wet, just to beg for spare change? So, I decided to listen. At first I was sympathetic, tried hard to be objective, but the more she spoke, the more I realized her sign and her story were two very different things.

The real kicker came when I offered her my dinner. For a split second, there flashed over her face such a look of unenthusiastic disgruntledness, that I instantly felt the way one does after asking a child to eat all their lima beans. It was then the 7-watt light bulb in my noggin finally lit-up. At that point, she knew her scam was up and she basically proceeded to tell me she wasn't "broke" after all. Turns out, she wasn't really homeless either. Not that I wanted her to be destitute, but once I learned her "real" story, something happened to the once strong sense of sympathy I had for this woman. In an instant, it became almost non-existent. Poof! Like a little discombobulated cough of smoke, I sputtered and spun in a somewhat confused and disbelieving state, my compassion having taken the first exit off the highway of gullibility: she was a fake and both of us knew it.

Needless to say, after that, the conversion turned extremely uncomfortable (she had my dinner...she wasn't broke...she had my dinner...she wasn't homeless...have I mentioned she had my dinner?) and it became quickly apparent, she didn't want the kind of help I was offering, so after a while, I politely disengaged from the conversation and meandered on back to my car where I sat for a few minutes, not quite sure how I felt about all that had just transpired.

Now, I'll be the first one to admit I shouldn't be judging this poor soul. Obviously, regardless of the reasons why she was sitting there, or whether it was culturally responsible for her to be sitting there, is really beside the point. She obviously thought she was in need of what she was asking for.

It did set me to thinking though: why do almost all Americans act like this lady, at least in some way or another? Why do we all feel we need things when what we really need a good smack in the back of the head to remind us why we should choose to use that word in a more careful manner. I need the Vera Wang dress. I need the EX model. I need my Starbucks. I need my Xbox 360 Elite Gaming Console with 120GB hard drive. I mean, do we really need what we say we need? I saw a guy off the 91 the other day who was holding a sign that said, "Why lie? I need a drink." and the crazy thing was, a whole stream of obviously brilliant people were actually giving him money!

Do we really need what we think we need? When I take a look at my faith and what I’m supposed to be all about – am I really supposed to be needing what I think I’m needing? I often wonder if I'm more like that lady than I think I am. I hold up my "help me" sign knowing God is watching, when in reality, I wonder if He’s putting His head in His hands and thinking, "My dear, you just…don’t…get it."

Several years ago, I overheard my Pastor say that God doesn't want us comfortable. He said, if we were in a place where we were comfortable, we were probably in a place where we’ve become complacent, apathetic, stagnate and otherwise incapacitated in terms of authentic kingdom living. He said God’s plan isn’t to make us happy – His plan is to help us grow.

Shortly after hearing that, "uncomfortable" started happening in every area of my life. (Thanks a lot Pastor Cork.) At the time, it felt more like "unbearable" rather than merely uncomfortable and I can honestly say, I just plain hated it. I threw fits. I threw tantrums. I even threw a chicken (to all my PETA friends, don't worry, it was ceramic). I was angry…really, really angry. And each time I went to have a throw-down with God, those little annoying words would come back to me: God doesn't want you comfortable Kim - He wants you growing.

Flash forward six or seven years. Thankfully, I no longer throw anything (especially chickens) with the exception of an occasional dinner party here and there - and in many things, I am now ok with conforming to "uncomfortable." Most times, I don't enjoy it. Most times it's hard to do. Most times it doesn't leave me with a whole lot of warm-fuzzies. But I can say this: I am able to find comfort in being uncomfortable now. God has changed the way I look at things.

So what do we really need? If we call Jesus Savior and King, then reality is, we don't need much more than Him. But are we willing to live that way, really authentically live that way? And if we can't or aren't willing to do that, what kind of faith do we really have? I don't know about you, but it's hard to take a step back and be deliberate about not keeping up with the Jones... but it's even more difficult for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle - I just hope I'm not on that end of the equation.

Friends Church - New Orphan Care Ministry!

Can you believe we’re only a week away from Christmas? WOW! For many of us, that means we’re not only one week away from officially celebrating the birth of Christ, but secondarily, we’re also one week away from yummy goodies, lots of neat new stuff to play with, while being surrounded by the warmth and love of our families and friends.

With that in mind, I’d like to take the time to invite you to an event taking place on January 30, 2010 at 4pm, in an effort to aid children who won’t be experiencing that this Christmas: the world’s 132 million orphans. A huge number, over 100,000 of those children live here in the United States, and this year they will be missing the love of a family with little to no celebration of Christ during Christmas coupled with a lack of hope for the New Year.

But this doesn’t have to be reality for these children, not when we, the body of Christ can unify and be moved into action! And so, as you continue to celebrate through this holiday season, please consider joining us for this very special evening, an evening filled with hope and inspiration as we consider God’s call for all authentic Christ-followers: James 1:27.

Friends Orphan Care Ministry – Informational Event
Saturday, January 30th, 2010 at 4:00 PM to 5:45 PM
Worship Center, Room 317

It’s going to be a great evening, you can register or find out more about this event by clicking here.

What Do You Want for Christmas?

The Treasure of Jesus

Happy Turkey Day!

I am a huge fan of the Swedish Chef - although, after viewing this particular episode, I felt a bit sick to my stomach. I don't remember the Chef being quite this... this... controversial! At any rate - this is one turkey I was glad to see get away!!! Go turkey!!!!

Change an Orphans World

A beautiful 3+ minute video about how you can make a difference, one child at a time.

(Remember to turn off the music at the bottom of the page first.)

Everything...

Remember to turn the sound off to the music player at the bottom of the page first!

The following video is a visual testament to the beauty of Who Christ is, and what He did for each and every one of us.

Horse Poop

When I was a a teen, my family used to own horses. We had one horse in particular who didn't like me too much and unfortunately for me, I discovered this out only after I wound up in horse poop one day.

You see, this horse, unbeknownst to me at the time, had a thing with women. How do I know? That's silly... I know because he TOLD me. No, no... he didn't drum up a Mr. Ed impression. No, this horse, when you would turn your back to him, would pin his ears to his head and bob his noggin' up and down, like some cranky ol' lady chewing bubble gum with a bad set of dentures. And me, being the rocket scientist I am, didn't put two and two together, until it was too late.

So here I was, on a beautiful summer day, minding my own business, painting the broadside of our barn. I was standing about four rungs up on a ladder that was situated close to a divider that separated one corral from another. I had put Doc (my horse) out to the arena, so I could paint without him in the way, but never thought much about my dad's horse, Skip, as he was seemingly minding his own business in the neighboring corral, about 15 feet away from me.

And so, I painted and painted and painted. Occasionally, I would glance over my shoulder to see what Skip was doing - he seemed perfectly disinterested and half asleep most of the time and so, I'd go back to work. I did notice that each time I looked over my shoulder, the horse, although looking rather indifferent and unimpressed with what I was doing, was a bit closer to me each time.

And so, I continued to paint. I carried on this way for at least an hour until I finally heard heavy - and fast - hoof prints coming up rapidly behind me. The next thing I knew, I was flying through the air, the ladder was toppling over, the paint bucket was spinning, and my tricep burned as if I had roasted it in a fire. When I landed, I immediately looked at Skip, who, with a flick of his tail and a quick little head-bob, rapidly pivoted and promptly started running for the hills. Unfortunately for Skip, the corral was only so big and still in my hand, was a freshly loaded paintbrush.

When the excitement was over and I had exacted my revenge, I turned to dust myself off and noticed one of my arms had landed in some horse poo - not too much mind you - but it was just enough that I smelled like... well... poop. Horse poop isn't too bad actually. I guess because it smells mostly like alfalfa and it just doesn't have the same odor as carnivore poop. So I casually wiped it off on my jeans and walked inside to nurse the 3-inch welt on my arm.

Now, the thing about horse poop is, although it doesn't smell that bad, and generally, it doesn't look that bad, it still contains some nasty stuff. When fresh, horse poo may attract or contains parasites, flies and other organisms that when ingested by the horse (many horse may graze on their own manure, especially those that stay in their stalls real often) may cause permanent damage. When left to accumulate and dry, it decomposes and turns into a dusty substance that fills the air with spores which can cause respiratory problems in a myriad of species.

But what does this have to do with anything? Why am I so stuck on horse poo?

Over the past couple weeks, I've had some heart experiences - some good... some not so good. Matter of fact, over the course of the past week, I've had one particularly encouraging moment and one particularly discouraging moment - both came from fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and both were about adoption.

One really hurt me and made my heart ache. The other was like sitting in a sun beam. One really spoke to me about the sad state of orphans and the complacent attitude toward them in the church. The other filled me with hope - not everyone in the church is turning a blind eye to their situation.

Being an adoptive mom is hard sometimes. Most people, including the vast majority of Christians, have a mind-set where adoption is viewed as something second rate... not as good as the biological original. Adoption is something only infertile couples do and then it's only because they don't have any other option. I've heard things like, "it must have been hard for you not to have carried your baby because you didn't have that time to bond" and "it must be very difficult knowing you didn't nurse your baby because that helps to create a strong tie early on" and the always and ever question, "doesn't it pain you that you don't have real children?"

I don't know about you, but this sounds like horse poop to me. Seriously. Haven't we all had the same "harmless" thoughts about adoption once or twice before? Thoughts that don't scare or alarm us like something blatantly yucky. We just don't really notice how bad they truly are because they are subtle. Kinda like horse poop!

Now, I know many of these types of questions are originated by good, well-meaning people. Most of them have been (or still are) personal friends of mine, some who also happen to be mature Christians. But what these people don't understand, is that, in these little seemingly harmless questions, there is something more. These questions pass a line of subtle and quiet judgement, pronounced not only on the barren, but on the fatherless as well. These questions insinuate that we - as orphans, adoptees, or adoptive parents - are damaged goods, only half-completed people walking around with the inability to truly bond with our parents/children because we just don't have the same DNA. The bond we have with our children is not as strong as a biological bond because we didn't have the opportunity to physically birth, nurse or pass on our own genetic material. The love we share is not as pure or as great because our biological make-up is not the same; it's some form of thrift-store love that people go to get after it's been worn and discarded by someone else.

Horse poop.

Adoption, although not mainstream or important to the secular public, should be to the body of Christ. What's more, we, as Christians, should view adopted children and families the same way we view biological children and families - because that is how God views His adoption of us. Adoption is the very picture and example God set for us by sending Christ to us. If we don't feel adoption (both heavenly or earthly) is important and just as valid, then whoa-boy, our theological perspective has some serious holes. If we, as Christians, can't see beyond the "glory" of reproducing our own genetic material, then we'll contineu to totally miss the point and millions of children/non-believers will continue to pay the price. We're actually buying into some sort of twisted form of Darwinistic Christianity.

That's uncomfortable, isn't it? That makes me squirm, not because I don't believe it, but because I DO believe it. And at the risk of becoming very unpopular with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ - if you don't feel the same way - then it's time to re-read your Bible. Seriously. Without a doubt.

I'd like to share something Zach Nielsen, a fellow adoptive-parent and blogger, who wrote the following which pretty well sums it up:

"I think the gospel should influence every area of life, but especially adoption. Understanding that we have been adopted into the family of God (Eph. 1:5) when we were in dire need as weak and powerless sinners should inform how we care for those who are weak and powerless in this world. We see such a huge need in the world today and we have been given so much, and Biblically we know that we have been blessed to be a blessing, so adoption seems like a logical step for us.

Ultimately it came down to this: Our only real reason for not adopting is selfishness. If we can afford to support three kids I think we’ll probably be ok with four. The prospect of having an even crazier home, or getting up with another child in the middle of the night, or having enough energy to train and discipline another child pales in comparison with the overwhelming needs of an abandoned child who needs a loving Christian family. You could respond and ask, “Do you think that all those that choose not to adopt a child are selfish?” Certainly not, but it might be a good idea to ask yourself why you don’t want to adopt. Of course there are good reasons, but if you are able and in light of the huge need in our world today, why not? I recognized the legalistic danger here. Adopting a child is not a Biblical command and we cannot place this conviction of ours on anyone else as an identifying mark of real Christianity. But I think this legalistic danger is worth the risk in light of the need."

So what is your take on your own faith? Do you think God sees you as a second rate product? Do you think we should view each other - or anyone else for that matter - as less because we didn't belong to Him at birth or maybe still don't belong to Him? Are we sub-standard because we are - or once were - orphans? Not a chicken's chance in Chinatown!

Let's stand and be counted together. The body of Christ should no longer look the other way while millions of children (and just broken people in general) are floundering, some dying, in a world without the love and care that Jesus so freely offers. Let's change the way we think now, so we can introduce the next generation to a world where defending the fatherless and caring for those in need is a priority.

So I challenge you, take a closer look at your faith. If you think adoption is only for the barren, if you think caring for orphans is only for adoptive families, if you think foster kids are children best left to others who are already passionate about helping them, then dear one - you've missed understanding what your heavenly adoption should mean to you and what it really means to God.

Sarah's Video of the Week

Here's Sarah's Video of the Week pick. It's actually pretty funny! (Remember to turn the music off first at the bottom of the page before playing.)

The Blind Side

Releasing in November, based on a true story, The Blind Side is a movie about Michael Oher, a boy whose biological father was murdered and whose biological mom was addicted to crack. After years of being bounced around in the foster care system, he finally catches the eyes of a well-to-do white family who sees the true potential and promise in Michael. With their help, he overcomes his past, changes perspectives and wins hearts, propelling himself into the limelight as an All-American offensive left tackle and eventually, pro player for the Baltimore Ravens.

No Orphans of God

Lord, thank you for not leaving us as orphans. Help us to do our part.

What is Our Charge?

So before I go on my full, no-holds-barred, no-punches-pulled, have-at-it-in-a-big-way-until-you-are-so-red-in-the-face-you-look-like-you're-about-to-explode vent, I'd like to give you some background.

Me and Mike aren't able to have kids biologically. Long story short, we're building our family through adoption and are looking into fostering as well.

Truth? I used to be turned off when people would say the word, "foster" or even the word "adopt." There's just something about those two words that have negative connotations or stereotypes attached to them. It was only until I was hit in the face with the reality of what life is really like for the world’s 130 million orphans, did I struggle through the stereotype and into a reality where pain, humiliation, shame and misery live 24/7.

Many of these children have lost both their mom and their dad and are exposed to horrors only adults dream up. They have no one to protect them, no one to look after them and no one that cares. They live on whatever they can find. They may be moved from home to home, with little or no attention to their feelings, their educations, or their potential and many are stripped of their innocence long before they reach even their teenage years. For international orphans, the slave and sex trades are huge supporters of children without parents, after all, if no one is there to keep these children safe, they are fair game to be trafficked to other countries, many put in brothels before they reach their 10th birthday.

Warner Brothers just released a new movie called "Orphan" and for anyone who's seen the trailer, you can only guess what it's about... an “orphan” who turns life into a hellish nightmare for her newly adopted family. (Side tangent: the early tagline of the film, "It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own" was not only insensitive, but downright wrong. Adopted children ARE our own – they might not be biological, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t anything "real" about their relationships with their adopted parents - blood doesn't make families - love does. [Sorry… just have to vent that… people have even gone so far as to say that we aren’t Sarah’s “real” parents… at those points, you don’t need a hamburger to see what mad cow on two legs looks like…])



Granted, I know - it's for entertainment purposes only, yada yada yada, but when you take a closer look at this movie - there's a lot more to it than just entertainment... there's a negative stereotype that's fueling it's fire. If we weren't freaked about the possibility of what an emotionally unstable, orphaned child could potentially do, why would we go see a movie like this? I mean, why not make a movie about killer cotton balls or flying killer rabbits (oh wait, maybe they already did that...). The point is, in order to have a good horror movie, you've got to found it on a subject pretty high on the freak-out-o-meter and according to the movies insinuation, orphans must fall into that category. (Click here to read a great article on the subject.)

The same thing goes for that all too familiar wise-crack that blood families normally tease each other with, "You must have been adopted."

Now, I'll be the first one to admit, I used to say this all the time, so I understand not everyone who cracks this joke understands the depth of pain and hurt it may trigger behind the faces of adoptees or adopters. It's based on the fact that somehow, we all think that adoption is equal to an automatic black sheep. Is that really true? Will adoptees stick out like sore thumbs? Will they never fit in? Will they ever truly be a real or natural part of the family? According to this joke... the answer is no. And it kills me to think that Sarah may hear this and think, I'll never fit in... I'm not as good as a biological child... I'm not really theirs... I'm not valued as much.

So, my fellow Christians, I ask you specifically, what is wrong with this picture? What is our charge?

We need to stop and think about the kind of "fun" we're buying into - the kind of "fun" we're promoting. We're not speaking only words or just watching entertainment - we're encouraging and bolstering a negative stereotype that hurts the weakest of the weak and the lowest of the low: children who are aching for someone who will love them, protect them, and cherish them.

When we make horror movies and crack jokes about the orphaned, the adopted, the fostered, we hurt the children (and the families) who have been touched by these situations. We reduce orphans - children who didn't have a choice in their circumstances - to sub-standard level where they are second rate. Why are they second rate? Because they don't have parents? They don't have the same potential, the same intelligence, the same blood, the same feelings as any other child? Indirectly, we are giving our stamp of approval to promote and encourage the shunning of these little ones, the vast majority, aching to be loved.

True, many of these children are rough – many have emotional, physical and mental issues… but wouldn’t you if you’d been beaten by your dad? raped by your uncle? put in a brothel at 7? watched your mom prostitute herself for drugs? been ignored to the point where you didn’t have anything but the kitchen trash to eat out of? I’m in my 30’s and if one of these things ever happened to me, it would profoundly affect my life… and I’m an adult!

Children are not meant to handle situations like these. It is beyond their little bodies and brains to process these things… so yes, they are broken… but they are not, not, not beyond God’s repair. They are not beyond healing when placed with a family who is willing to look past their pain and into their hearts to see the potential that resides buried in each and every one.

So what excuse do I have? What excuse can I produce for not opening my home to a little one in dire need of help? As a Christian, I’ve been struggling with this for a while – I’ve given myself just about every excuse and yet God presses my heart with this question. And I’ve come to the conclusion, I can't argue with the Bible. As Christians, God has charged us to take care of these children. It's not an option – it’s a command. And it's a blanket command - doesn't give any stipulations or exceptions, like "I'm not moved to support that minstry" or "I'm not called to do this." For some reason, Christians are choosing to overlook orphans (and widows too for that matter) and the result not only breaks God's heart, but the hearts of millions who again, just want to experience the love of a real family. There are scores of passages that tell us that God wants each of us to care for the fatherless; google “orphans and the Bible” and read what comes up. After reading even a handful of these passages, how can we, as Christians, ignore what God is telling us to do? How can we casually put them aside?

James 1:27 - "Pure religion is this - that we take care of orphans and widows in their distress."

No, I'm not saying everyone should adopt or foster a child - no I'm not saying that you have to open an orphanage. What I am saying is if you call yourself a child of the Living God, then the word "adoption" should be near and dear to your heart... because we, as Christians, have experienced adoption firsthand; we've been adopted by God Himself.

How different does that make us in comparison to these children? How different does that make our lives with God in comparison to the orphan’s life with each one of us? God was willing to pay the price... make the sacrifice. Why then, should we expect the calling on our lives to be any different? Why do we think it’s ok to turn our heads, look the other way, when God is so explicit about how he feels about the fatherless in His Word?

We're all not called to adopt? We're all not called to foster? Maybe. Or maybe that's just an excuse we use to make ourselves feel better about looking the other way while these little ones suffer. Maybe it's easier for us to ignore their pain and keep ourselves comfortable, than acknowledge what God really wants us to do, after all, that’s the real reason why we don’t adopt/foster/help… we want to stay comfortable. But is that really a good enough excuse? Being comfortable? Is that really something we'd be comfortable telling Jesus when we see Him face to face?

For me, I just can’t get past that anymore. It eats at me because I still don't feel like I'm where God is calling me to be. I'm starting to get a glimpse of what my weakness really is – something horribly ugly and selfish, and it makes me wonder in amazement at how our great and forgiving God can still look on me with love. If I were God, I would have fried me a long time ago...

Why is it so hard to let go of comfortable? Why is it so difficult to release my wants and desires for my life? If I could just step out in faith, if I could just let go of the things that bind me to this earthen vessel and not to Him, if I could just let go and trust.

My only hope is my adopted heavenly Father.

Lord, be close enough to hear my whispers as sometimes I can hardly say what I feel you want me to. Be my Strength - I feel so void of anything strong, save the hope I have in You. Lord, impress on my heart, what is my charge here? What do You have for me to do? Tell me... then give me the strength to see it through for Your glory.


A sleeping orphan at Otino-Waa Orphanage in War-torn northern Uganda.

Battling Comfortable

I was once a big, fat, ugly, juicy and bad-tasting caterpillar.
It's true. I was!

Ok, ok... of course, I'm not being literal, but there are moments, when I want to go back into my nice, warm, safe, toasty, snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug cocoon and turn back into a lazy little worm. I mean, doesn't that sound just wonderful? Snoozing the day away, without a thought or care, safe and insulated from the outside world?

Not only that, but bad things happen far less to big, fat, ugly, juicy and bad-tasting caterpillars than they do to other insects. Take beetles for instance... I mean, when was the last time you ever saw a caterpillar skewered to cork board, sitting under squeaky-clean plates of glass where hundreds of people file by remarking how beautiful their little dead bodies are?

And no one picks on you, really. Humans (at least the big ones) think you're disgusting for the most part and try to avoid you. Most birds have already made the mistake of trying to eat your great-great-great-great-grandparents, so they leave you alone too. Matter of fact, although you may look quite plump, one brazen flash of your chubby, colorful little legs, would send most of the animal kingdom into a tizzied state of panic. How many other creatures can command that kind of respect just by one little giggly-wiggly move?

Being a big, fat caterpillar allows you some serious luxuries. You can laze around as much as you want, eat a little of this, munch on a bit of that... lay around and roll from side to side occasionally, maybe the odd little ipity-bipity to get you to the next leaf, etc. You don't have to answer to a queen (unless you're a boy caterpillar) which means you don't have to work or measure up to any one's expectations, so life is pretty laid back. You're safe in your own little caterpillar world, doing your own little caterpillar thing.

Most days, the caterpillar in me is hugantic, past gianormous. I'd love to stretch my fat little legs out on a nice juicy leaf and eat until I roll off, maybe land on a cushy little tomato where I could sunbathe awhile, flash a bird or two, make some feathers fly - you know... all that fun, comfortable, easy, no-effort-necessary kind of stuff.

I'm half ashamed to say that sadly, a good majority of my daily thoughts are about how I can get back to being comfortable, which is LAME given I live amongst the world's top 5% of wealthiest people (which means I'm exceedingly comfortable by the worlds standards - just living in America qualifies most of us for this category). Where was I? Oh yes... LAME...

Why is it that we are not born with a "I-am-content" gene somewhere in our genetic make-up? I mean, what rocket scientist dreamed up the saying, "enough is enough" - everybody should know by now, enough is never enough! It's our nature to always want more.

I love watching kids sometimes. They act like miniature adults at times, except without the inhibitions or conscience. How many times have we seen the kid with the boat look at the kid with the car and drop his boat to go for the car. But when the kid with the car lets the kid with the boat (who doesn't really have the boat anymore because he dropped it to go after the kid with the car) have his car, the kid with the car (who used to have the boat) wants the boat back. Seriously, I think we all want the car AND the boat... except for those of us who want planes...

I get so tired of battling myself. I find one minute I'm spouting ideals of how we should all be more concerned with other people, especially those who cannot help themselves, then, five minutes later, I'm whining about not having enough whipped cream on my strawberry shortcake. (eye roll) You big, fat Caterpillar! (munch munch munch)

Of all the scores of mind-battles I endeavor to win each day, I find myself always battling this one the most. I slowly crawl, eking ever closer towards desiring to be less caterpillar... maybe a bit more butterfly, then I revert completely back into my wormy old self. A few moments later, the transformation starts again - sometimes I make it all the way to butterflyville before I - poof! - I am transported back to square one in caterpillarland. At that point, sometimes I'm so sick of my failings, all I want to do is bury my little fat self in my cocoon, hoping that some magical transformation will occur. But that's not exactly the way it works...

It's not easy. It's definitely not comfortable, but in the long run, isn't it worth it? Why stay an earthbound worm when we are given the chance to fly? Do we stay in our cocoons out of ignorance, pride or fear, only to later discover that we missed out on the most beautiful Thing life had to offer?

And so the question becomes, will I, an ugly caterpillar, reach out and take hold of the Hand of the One who can wholly transform me into something maybe not as easy, maybe something not as tough, but guaranteed and without a doubt something far more lovely than what I am now? Can I trust this One will truly do what He is promising to do? Isn't what I have to lose far less than what I have to gain? Then why is this so difficult?

And so remains the second by second, minute by minute decision: do I stay a big, fat, ugly, juicy, and bad-tasting caterpillar and inch my way through life seeking the same comfort that keeps me so repulsive, or do I let Him turn me into something beautiful and treasured, something that lifts off on wings of faith and makes the most of this breeze called life?

No matter...

No matter what awful thing I do, no matter how bad I allow it to get, no matter how far I go, no matter what lengths I take, He promises to be with me. He will remain by my side no matter the heartache I put Him through, no matter what pain I cause Him to endure, no matter what sorrow I saddle Him with, He promises, He will never leave me or forsake me.

No matter what is outside of my control, no matter what I cannot see, no matter what I cannot do, no matter the circumstances I find myself in, no matter why I wasn't able to foresee what would happen, no matter if I succeed or if I fail, He promises, He will never leave me or forsake me.

No matter what I look like, no matter who people may think I am, no matter if my hair is thin, no matter if I am unattractive or unsightly, no matter if I am ill and cannot stand, no matter if I am in a place where no one wants to be, no matter if no one comes to visit, no matter if no one cares for me and I am all alone, no matter if I am unloved by anyone for the rest of my days, He promises, He will never leave me or forsake me.

No matter if I don't know where I come from, no matter if I don't know where to go to, know matter if I don't know who my family is or who I belong to, no matter if I've lost something so precious it has broken me, no matter if I am cold or lost or practically lifeless, no matter if I am weak or frail, no matter if they say my life is worthless, no matter if I am bought or traded or discarded or enslaved, no matter if I cannot go where my heart wants to take me, He promises, He will never leave me or forsake me.

Lord, thank You for your promises. Thank You for always being there whether I think You're there or not. Thank You for loving me when I'm unlovely and for caring for me when I'm uncaring. Thank You for being my comfort when I need arms to run to and hold me tight. Thank you for Your deep reassurance that I am a treasure in Your sight no matter how low I may feel about myself and no matter how insignificant others may make me feel. Thank you Lord, for being my Redeemer, the One who has rescued me from a darkness known only to those who are beyond blindness and past all hope. Most of all, thank You Lord for Your unchanging love and never-failing forgiveness... the very reasons why I am Yours.