What is Our Charge?

So before I go on my full, no-holds-barred, no-punches-pulled, have-at-it-in-a-big-way-until-you-are-so-red-in-the-face-you-look-like-you're-about-to-explode vent, I'd like to give you some background.

Me and Mike aren't able to have kids biologically. Long story short, we're building our family through adoption and are looking into fostering as well.

Truth? I used to be turned off when people would say the word, "foster" or even the word "adopt." There's just something about those two words that have negative connotations or stereotypes attached to them. It was only until I was hit in the face with the reality of what life is really like for the world’s 130 million orphans, did I struggle through the stereotype and into a reality where pain, humiliation, shame and misery live 24/7.

Many of these children have lost both their mom and their dad and are exposed to horrors only adults dream up. They have no one to protect them, no one to look after them and no one that cares. They live on whatever they can find. They may be moved from home to home, with little or no attention to their feelings, their educations, or their potential and many are stripped of their innocence long before they reach even their teenage years. For international orphans, the slave and sex trades are huge supporters of children without parents, after all, if no one is there to keep these children safe, they are fair game to be trafficked to other countries, many put in brothels before they reach their 10th birthday.

Warner Brothers just released a new movie called "Orphan" and for anyone who's seen the trailer, you can only guess what it's about... an “orphan” who turns life into a hellish nightmare for her newly adopted family. (Side tangent: the early tagline of the film, "It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own" was not only insensitive, but downright wrong. Adopted children ARE our own – they might not be biological, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t anything "real" about their relationships with their adopted parents - blood doesn't make families - love does. [Sorry… just have to vent that… people have even gone so far as to say that we aren’t Sarah’s “real” parents… at those points, you don’t need a hamburger to see what mad cow on two legs looks like…])



Granted, I know - it's for entertainment purposes only, yada yada yada, but when you take a closer look at this movie - there's a lot more to it than just entertainment... there's a negative stereotype that's fueling it's fire. If we weren't freaked about the possibility of what an emotionally unstable, orphaned child could potentially do, why would we go see a movie like this? I mean, why not make a movie about killer cotton balls or flying killer rabbits (oh wait, maybe they already did that...). The point is, in order to have a good horror movie, you've got to found it on a subject pretty high on the freak-out-o-meter and according to the movies insinuation, orphans must fall into that category. (Click here to read a great article on the subject.)

The same thing goes for that all too familiar wise-crack that blood families normally tease each other with, "You must have been adopted."

Now, I'll be the first one to admit, I used to say this all the time, so I understand not everyone who cracks this joke understands the depth of pain and hurt it may trigger behind the faces of adoptees or adopters. It's based on the fact that somehow, we all think that adoption is equal to an automatic black sheep. Is that really true? Will adoptees stick out like sore thumbs? Will they never fit in? Will they ever truly be a real or natural part of the family? According to this joke... the answer is no. And it kills me to think that Sarah may hear this and think, I'll never fit in... I'm not as good as a biological child... I'm not really theirs... I'm not valued as much.

So, my fellow Christians, I ask you specifically, what is wrong with this picture? What is our charge?

We need to stop and think about the kind of "fun" we're buying into - the kind of "fun" we're promoting. We're not speaking only words or just watching entertainment - we're encouraging and bolstering a negative stereotype that hurts the weakest of the weak and the lowest of the low: children who are aching for someone who will love them, protect them, and cherish them.

When we make horror movies and crack jokes about the orphaned, the adopted, the fostered, we hurt the children (and the families) who have been touched by these situations. We reduce orphans - children who didn't have a choice in their circumstances - to sub-standard level where they are second rate. Why are they second rate? Because they don't have parents? They don't have the same potential, the same intelligence, the same blood, the same feelings as any other child? Indirectly, we are giving our stamp of approval to promote and encourage the shunning of these little ones, the vast majority, aching to be loved.

True, many of these children are rough – many have emotional, physical and mental issues… but wouldn’t you if you’d been beaten by your dad? raped by your uncle? put in a brothel at 7? watched your mom prostitute herself for drugs? been ignored to the point where you didn’t have anything but the kitchen trash to eat out of? I’m in my 30’s and if one of these things ever happened to me, it would profoundly affect my life… and I’m an adult!

Children are not meant to handle situations like these. It is beyond their little bodies and brains to process these things… so yes, they are broken… but they are not, not, not beyond God’s repair. They are not beyond healing when placed with a family who is willing to look past their pain and into their hearts to see the potential that resides buried in each and every one.

So what excuse do I have? What excuse can I produce for not opening my home to a little one in dire need of help? As a Christian, I’ve been struggling with this for a while – I’ve given myself just about every excuse and yet God presses my heart with this question. And I’ve come to the conclusion, I can't argue with the Bible. As Christians, God has charged us to take care of these children. It's not an option – it’s a command. And it's a blanket command - doesn't give any stipulations or exceptions, like "I'm not moved to support that minstry" or "I'm not called to do this." For some reason, Christians are choosing to overlook orphans (and widows too for that matter) and the result not only breaks God's heart, but the hearts of millions who again, just want to experience the love of a real family. There are scores of passages that tell us that God wants each of us to care for the fatherless; google “orphans and the Bible” and read what comes up. After reading even a handful of these passages, how can we, as Christians, ignore what God is telling us to do? How can we casually put them aside?

James 1:27 - "Pure religion is this - that we take care of orphans and widows in their distress."

No, I'm not saying everyone should adopt or foster a child - no I'm not saying that you have to open an orphanage. What I am saying is if you call yourself a child of the Living God, then the word "adoption" should be near and dear to your heart... because we, as Christians, have experienced adoption firsthand; we've been adopted by God Himself.

How different does that make us in comparison to these children? How different does that make our lives with God in comparison to the orphan’s life with each one of us? God was willing to pay the price... make the sacrifice. Why then, should we expect the calling on our lives to be any different? Why do we think it’s ok to turn our heads, look the other way, when God is so explicit about how he feels about the fatherless in His Word?

We're all not called to adopt? We're all not called to foster? Maybe. Or maybe that's just an excuse we use to make ourselves feel better about looking the other way while these little ones suffer. Maybe it's easier for us to ignore their pain and keep ourselves comfortable, than acknowledge what God really wants us to do, after all, that’s the real reason why we don’t adopt/foster/help… we want to stay comfortable. But is that really a good enough excuse? Being comfortable? Is that really something we'd be comfortable telling Jesus when we see Him face to face?

For me, I just can’t get past that anymore. It eats at me because I still don't feel like I'm where God is calling me to be. I'm starting to get a glimpse of what my weakness really is – something horribly ugly and selfish, and it makes me wonder in amazement at how our great and forgiving God can still look on me with love. If I were God, I would have fried me a long time ago...

Why is it so hard to let go of comfortable? Why is it so difficult to release my wants and desires for my life? If I could just step out in faith, if I could just let go of the things that bind me to this earthen vessel and not to Him, if I could just let go and trust.

My only hope is my adopted heavenly Father.

Lord, be close enough to hear my whispers as sometimes I can hardly say what I feel you want me to. Be my Strength - I feel so void of anything strong, save the hope I have in You. Lord, impress on my heart, what is my charge here? What do You have for me to do? Tell me... then give me the strength to see it through for Your glory.


A sleeping orphan at Otino-Waa Orphanage in War-torn northern Uganda.