Thoughts on... Why the Toilet Paper Should Be Right Side Down!

Welcome back! I actually wrote the majority of this post a while ago, however, since it's been a while and I am still working on a more current post (there is so much to tell!), I will put this up for now and will submit another post soon thereafter.

This month's topic is all about toilet paper, or more specifically, why toilet paper should be right side down. I know, I know, you can hardly wait to dive into this life-altering subject, but before we start down that road, I'd like to tell you why this subject has enough importance to have a post on my blog.

Toilet paper is fantastic (it's actually better than fantastic, I mean... imagine if we didn't have toilet paper...). Toilet paper is one of those everyday niceties that doesn't get much notice or credit on a daily basis. I mean, when is the last time you heard somebody say, "boy, I love my toilet paper!" or "this toilet paper is so soft and fluffy, I just want to hold it all day!" Maybe it's because we know what happens to toilet paper or maybe it's just because we're so busy with the "big" ticket items in our lives that we just don't take time to notice the little things that make life so much more easy. I mean, life without toilet paper - eweeeee!

Back in the late 1300's, China started producing special paper ordered specifically by the Emperor himself for the purpose of cleaning the royal bottom. It was produced in large sheets, anywhere from 1-2' across to 2-4' tall. Granted, since it wasn't produced to be unrolled, I don't guess the emperor and empress had any heated debates about which want it should be situated on the roll.

In the United States, toilet paper didn't come onto the scene until the late 1800s and then, it was almost unheard of, being produced by individuals who marketed it for specific demographics (the rich and ultra clean). They came in little packets of sheets, medicated with aloe and other soothing herbal remedies of the day... I guess it would be the equivalent to what is now known as "the wet wipe" and again... it came in sheets, so the infamous "you-put-the-toilet-paper-on-wrong" argument didn't bubble to the top of the "Pet Peeve" list until the early 1900s, which is when the U.S. started to mass produce the stuff.

It was during these days, it was said to have been rather rough, sometimes being accompanied by splinters ("hey honey, get the tweezers - I stabbed myself with the toilet paper again!"). Prior to this, most Americans used various other means, including leaves, the Sears and Roebuck catalogue, newspaper and even tree bark - all very sturdy and durable, but seriously lacking in fluffy softness and absorption. I mean, have you ever wondered what it would feel like to live back then - when people either ordered milk or whiskey instead of double, non-fat, decaffeinated, soy, mocha cappuccinos?

I used to think I'd like living back in the 1800s, that is, until I watched the PBS special, Frontier House. For those of you who don't know anything about the show, it took three modern day families and turned them into Montana territory pioneers from 1883. It was a hoot and a half to watch - very interesting. The girls could hardly stand to be without their makeup (they even resorted to making mascara from grease) and the men were not physically able to withstand the workload that their 1800s counterparts hefted on a daily basis. But even worse than having to go without your makeup... was, you guessed it - having to go without toilet paper! Eeeewwwwweeee! These families went 178 days without toilet paper! Now that's an accomplishment!

So, now that we understand why we're so thankful we have soft, fluffy toilet paper, we go back to the question - why should the toilet paper be right side down?

This question has been hotly debated for decades and I'm sure has ranked within the top 10 "pet peeves" of most marital couples and roommates since it has been put on a roll. You know what I mean - we all know about those fights - the ones where you wind up wanting to throw that roll of toilet paper at your husband's head... "You always put the toilet paper on wrong! Can't you just do it this way?" (Then you give him a step-by-step show-and-tell about how he should load the toilet paper onto the roller.) I mean, it drives some people crazy to have the toilet paper rolling off the wrong way. Or what about the guy who doesn't replenish the roll?!? Oh - that's fun! (Eye roll) You're sitting there yelling for someone to come and save you and after about two minutes, you realize nobody can hear you - or worse - they're so peeved that you yelled at them for putting the roll on wrong that they decided not to do it at all and then, you start eyeballing the poor Kleenex box...

For those of you who think I'm loony, I'm sad to say, there are a great many Americans who do have a preference as to how they would like their toilet paper to dispense! Surveys indicate, that sixty-eight percent of the population prefers the sheet coming over the top as opposed to twenty-five percent favoring under the roll dispensing.

So the next time someone loads the roll incorrectly, you say, "hey - 68% of all Americans prefer the roll loaded with the paper coming up over the top... which means that 68% of all the people who sit on this toilet will be terked that the paper is coming out the bottom - don't you think we owe it to them to put the roll on right!?!"

Although this post may appear to be a total and complete waste of time (for those of us who are not total and complete TP geeks, that is), hopefully we'll appreciate some of the more insignificant things in our lives a little more (like toilet paper... or maybe a husband that knows your a wierdo about toilet paper and so, always loads it the way you like it just to make you happy... not that I know anyone like that personally...), but whatever it is, I know I'll start to appreciate it a little more. After all - those poor people who went through being stabbed in the butt by their toilet paper shouldn't have gone through all that trauma for nothing!

And so, we have decided, anyone who visits our home will always be able to sit on the porcelain throne in complete contentment knowing the toilet paper is loaded right side down.

Until next time... happy loading!